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For starters, it can be helpful to notice your tendencies to shut down or avoid emotional openness, and evaluate whether or not they're helping or hurting your relationships.
"Sometimes we need to thank our defenses for how they have previously served us, but then ask them to take seat," he says.
The phrase "emotionally unavailable" can sound like a dismissive excuse for not wanting to be in a relationship.
Like a slightly elevated way of saying, "It's not you, it's me," or "I'm bad at relationships." But, while it's somewhat vague, emotional unavailability can be a valid reason for some people to fear commitment and lack vulnerability in relationships.
For example, someone might be personable and engaged when they first start dating, but then pull back when the prospect of a deeper relationship comes up, he says.