He says this would be best, since my hooking up triggers him. But they were cuckold couples, GMHC, and the half who didn't "get to" hook up with others didn't want to hook up with others.
At best, you broke into (or slowed to) a trot, which allowed each one of these lady predators to overtake you. You weren't hit by a pussy meteor every time you left the house. Seeing as you're a reader, ASSHOLE, I suspect you knew an honest open relationship was an option—that ethical nonmonogamy was an option—but you didn't pursue that. Maybe because you don't want to be with a woman who is free to sit on other dicks.
The first step toward holding yourself accountable for your appalling actions—a close friend of your wife? Or maybe the wrongness and the self-loathing—the whole bad-boy-on-the-rack routine—turn you on.
I'm a liar, a cheat, a user, and a manipulator—and it just keeps happening. You turned them into affairs by continuing to show up. Zooming out: If all it takes for some rando to get her hands on your otherwise committed cock is to DM you on Instagram, you have no business making monogamous commitments.
And while you claim that each of these women pursued you despite knowing you were in an exclusive relationship, it doesn't sound like you ran from any of them. " as if the universe were conspiring against you somehow. If you'd sought out a partner who wanted an open relationship—a wide-open one—you could have had concurrent, committed, nonexclusive relationships and avoided being "a liar, a cheat, a user," etc.
But almost immediately, he began talking about how he wanted to hook up with others. I feel tremendous guilt for even thinking about splitting up, so I keep hoping we'll stumble on the thing that will work for us.